Tuesday, June 28, 2005
sorry haven't been blogging. been really really busy. what a weekend i must say. not a good one
at all.being there, experiencing everything firsthand was simply horrible. the tinge of guilt keeps lingering. i just wish that it isn't anything serious. and i'm just so afraid of not being a
GOOD doctor in the future. the pressure i see doctors facing is immense. if they save pple's life, they would just say "oh it's their job." and a simple thank you. but if they don't, these pple will start pointing fingers and blaming the doctors.
and now i feel the pressure.and i don't know if i can handle death. i'm not afraid of death for myself to be honest, but i am
VERY afraid for the pple around me. i look at my cousins now and can't help but feel very sad. at such a young age, they have lost someone so so dear to them. so i'll be going in and out jb quite a bit these days. really want to accompany my cousins. now thinking back of the whole thing, at the hospital, the funeral everything, i feel tears welling up in my eyes.
she was a good person, with a very kind heart. yet the good pple leaves before the bad, hypocritical, evil pple. i have so many questions. why? isn't there such a thing called retribution? then why does God have to take her away at such a young age? a mere 39.
what is life and death?now i finally understand what my dad meant when he said that me getting into medical school is just the smallest and tiniest step. there's more to come. and i hope i'll stay firm and strong, to face this challenge.
i miss my cousins alot. i'm very happy to see all of them to be honest. but this time the event that brought us all together is not a joyous one. last time i get to see them every cny. but ever since i went to uk, i never celebrated cny with them anymore. so for some of them, either i've never seen for a long time or i've never seen before. plainly cos they are my newborn cousins. my gosh, they are simply so adorable la! :D though some are like little devils. but cute little devils that will stick to you like glue. :D was quite sad when some of them couldn't recognised me. but i understand. haha. :D
this year hasn't been exactly a good year. and i really really wish the next half of the year is good. i just pray and hope that Lord would just bless the people around me and grant them good health.
i'm really not ready to face yet another death. please Lord...
S ranted at 7:09 pm |
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